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Flood 2007

Discussion in 'General Board' started by bensd, Sep 26, 2007.

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  1. bensd United Kingdom

    bensd Well-Known Member Exclusive Member

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    In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living
    > in England and said,
    >
    > 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
    > and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
    > and save two of every living thing along with a few good
    > humans.'
    >
    > He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, 'You have 6 months to
    > build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
    > days and 40 nights.'
    >
    > Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
    > in his yard-but no Ark.
    >
    > 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is
    > the Ark?'
    >
    > 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
    >
    > I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing
    > with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
    >
    > My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning
    > permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is
    > development of the site, even though in my view it is a
    > temporary structure.
    >
    > We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a
    > decision.'
    >
    > Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted
    > for the future costs of moving power lines and other
    > overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's
    > move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to
    > us, but they would hear nothing of it.
    >
    > Getting the wood was another problem.
    >
    > All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them
    > and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up
    > in order to protect the spotted owl.
    >
    > I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the
    > wood to save the owls - but no go!
    >
    > When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
    >
    > They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
    > their will.
    >
    > They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it
    > was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
    > space.
    >
    > Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the
    > Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
    > they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
    > proposed flood.
    >
    > I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
    > Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm
    > supposed to hire for my building team.
    >
    > The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
    >
    > They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with
    > Ark-building experience.
    >
    > To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my
    > assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
    > with endangered species.
    >
    > So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for
    > me to finish this Ark.'
    >
    > Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
    > rainbow stretched across the sky.
    >
    > Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not
    > going to destroy the world?'
     
  2. Domain Forum

    Acorn Domains Elite Member

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  3. jhump Spain

    jhump Active Member

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    you've missed the end to this rather right-wing joke...

    "No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
     
  4. bensd United Kingdom

    bensd Well-Known Member Exclusive Member

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    lol thanks for that, was just copying and pasting from my email!
     
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