Christmas Jokes thread...

[ratboy]

Not feeling festive yet, so thought I'd create a light-hearted Christmas themed jokes thread... add yours below:

here is mine...


Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy.

 

[WigWam]

Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S.

They're right too. It'd be Chrita.

 

[BREWSTERS]

A postman is delivering to a house one pre-christmas morning, when the lady of the house meets him on the doorstep.

She tells him to come in for his christmas tip - he follows her into the kitchen where a full English breakfast is waiting for him...eggs; bacon; sausages; mushrooms...the lot!

As soon as he's finished, he get's up to thank the woman, but she takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. She takes him into the bedroom and shags him senseless for an hour.

When they're finished, she takes him back downstairs and when they get to the door, she presses a £1 coin into his hand.

In a daze, the lucky postie sets off down the path before turning back and knocking on the door - when the woman arrives he says, "firstly, a huge thank you...but why all that? I only deliver your post and hardly even see you all year and yet you do all that for me...why?

The woman replies, "well, I asked my husband this morning what should I do for a christmas tip for the postman - he said "fuck him...give him a quid!"...then she said "the breakfast was my idea!"

 

[KarlM]

Hahahaha good one

A postman is delivering to a house one pre-christmas morning, when the lady of the house meets him on the doorstep.

She tells him to come in for his christmas tip - he follows her into the kitchen where a full English breakfast is waiting for him...eggs; bacon; sausages; mushrooms...the lot!

As soon as he's finished, he get's up to thank the woman, but she takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. She takes him into the bedroom and shags him senseless for an hour.

When they're finished, she takes him back downstairs and when they get to the door, she presses a £1 coin into his hand.

In a daze, the lucky postie sets off down the path before turning back and knocking on the door - when the woman arrives he says, "firstly, a huge thank you...but why all that? I only deliver your post and hardly even see you all year and yet you do all that for me...why?

The woman replies, "well, I asked my husband this morning what should I do for a christmas tip for the postman - he said "fuck him...give him a quid!"...then she said "the breakfast was my idea!"