Thanks for the responses. I don't want to risk having a manual penalty from Google for doing anything black hat or that could be considered black hat...but is it possible to contact a related site and ask for a link and actually get a reply? never mind a yes....I tried this when I first started the site and it wasn't easy....especially as I'm an affiliate site. I don't have a spammy site rammed full of keywords...I do believe the content is useful and relavent. Again, thanks for taking the time to respond.
I find people are always overly cautious with Google. People watch Matt Cutts's videos and take whatever he says as gospel. The only person he's acting on behalf is Google, so take a large pinch of salt. Do what works.
(Good) Directories are not black hat, they're not even grey hat, they're a perfectly valid link building tactic. The worst that will happen is that those links may have their equity dampened and the links will be of less value. This is only an issue if the links you have part of a network and the entire network gets found out.
Look at the number of links on the particular page your link will be placed, the more links, the less equity is passed to you. Similarly, if the page is showing as "unkranked", then it's likely that it's already been spanked, though it could also be because it's so far down a site's architecture that it's not receiving any equity, or has not been found. You can actually boost such pages by using social bookmarking sites to help it be found and supply some equity which will then be passed on to your site (and also other sites listed mind).
Link building for small sites, particularly in certain niches is an uphill battle. You'll have some success with manual link requests but it can be incredibly frustrating. Don't bother requesting just anything, make sure you target those that are truly relevant to your site. Use email initially and if you don't hear anything, try the phone route, you may have more luck talking to someone directly. Failing that, offer to write an article for them to put on the site, with a link back to your site as payment.
As I said before, tactics like article marketing and link building are low level and don't help the internet in any shape or form but work as part of a broader approach.
As a further list of decent directories, try these:
http://searchengineland.com/top-50-citation-sources-for-uk-us-local-businesses-104938
Bear in mind they're only applicable for sites with a physical address though...they also have the effect of helping your Google Local/Places ranking if you have one
