Discussion in 'General Board' started by Blossom, Apr 2, 2012.
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The College of Logic
Two friends who haven't seen each other meet at a bar. First guy says to the second guy, "So what have you been up to lately?",
Second guy says "Not much, but I did sign up to an interesting course on logic at the College!".
The first guy says, "What's it all about?"
The second guy: "Well to demonstrate the teacher asked me a question "Do you own a Lawn mower?" I said "Yes, I do." Teacher: "Well, then I can logically assume that you have a garden." Me: "Yes, I have a big garden." Teacher: "Then I can logically assume that you have a house." Me: "I have a very big house." Teacher: "Then I can logically assume that you have a family." Me: "I have a wife and two kids." I said "Wow that was great! You got all that from knowing that I own a lawn mower?".
Second guy turns to the first and asks "Do you have a lawn mower?"
The first guy: "No",
The second guy: "Must be camp then".
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, darling. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bee-yatch tonight, Dave."
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom
approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"
"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you got any?"
"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no nookie since 1955!"
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
"Doc, I can't stop singing, 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'."
"By gosh, that sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Did you know the guy who invented the 'Knock Knock' jokes got a Nobel prize ?
Separate names with a comma.