- Joined
- Jan 11, 2007
- Posts
- 5,065
- Reaction score
- 106
In the year 2007 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living
> in England and said,
>
> 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
> and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
> and save two of every living thing along with a few good
> humans.'
>
> He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, 'You have 6 months to
> build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
> days and 40 nights.'
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
> in his yard-but no Ark.
>
> 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is
> the Ark?'
>
> 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
>
> I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing
> with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
> My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning
> permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is
> development of the site, even though in my view it is a
> temporary structure.
>
> We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a
> decision.'
>
> Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted
> for the future costs of moving power lines and other
> overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's
> move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to
> us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
> Getting the wood was another problem.
>
> All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them
> and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up
> in order to protect the spotted owl.
>
> I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the
> wood to save the owls - but no go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
>
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
> their will.
>
> They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it
> was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
> space.
>
> Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the
> Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
> they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
> proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
> Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm
> supposed to hire for my building team.
>
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
>
> They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with
> Ark-building experience.
>
> To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my
> assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
> with endangered species.
>
> So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for
> me to finish this Ark.'
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
> rainbow stretched across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not
> going to destroy the world?'
> in England and said,
>
> 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
> and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark
> and save two of every living thing along with a few good
> humans.'
>
> He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, 'You have 6 months to
> build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40
> days and 40 nights.'
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping
> in his yard-but no Ark.
>
> 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is
> the Ark?'
>
> 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed.
>
> I needed Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing
> with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
> My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning
> permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is
> development of the site, even though in my view it is a
> temporary structure.
>
> We had to then go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a
> decision.'
>
> Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted
> for the future costs of moving power lines and other
> overhead obstructions to clear the passage for the Ark 's
> move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to
> us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
> Getting the wood was another problem.
>
> All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them
> and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up
> in order to protect the spotted owl.
>
> I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the
> wood to save the owls - but no go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me.
>
> They insisted that I was confining wild animals against
> their will.
>
> They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it
> was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined
> space.
>
> Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the
> Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until
> they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your
> proposed flood.
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
> Opportunities Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm
> supposed to hire for my building team.
>
> The trades unions say I can't use my sons.
>
> They insist I have to hire only accredited workers with
> Ark-building experience.
>
> To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my
> assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
> with endangered species.
>
> So,forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for
> me to finish this Ark.'
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a
> rainbow stretched across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not
> going to destroy the world?'
